Down and Out

 So, I found out I have Covid. It's actually pretty scary. It's strange, I have been craving so badly to have some extra free time. There is so much that I want to do. There is so much that I enjoy doing and really just never have the time for. Now, I have all the time in the world and my motivation is gone. It's actually extremely frustrating. My energy is at an all time low, and all I really want to do is lay in bed all day. I can't do pilates, I can't even leave my house. Until you are on the receiving end of this virus, I don't think you can fully understand what that means. I now see myself as a walking germ. 

It's hard to believe that there are people out there who are either too stubborn to get tested, and therefore never know they have the virus and go on spreading it; or people who do get tested and still leave their house. The thought of infecting someone else actually terrifies me. I would seriously hate to be the cause of someone else getting sick. It's fucking awful. People who know they have it and don't think twice about leaving their house are actually terrorists. 

It's frustrating, because I felt like I was doing so well in diet and career goals and creative goals and then I catch this virus and it's all turned upside down. Now I am a potato who can't leave her house and doesn't even use her free time on valuable things. I don't even know what the point of this post was, maybe an attempt to feel as though I have done something besides scroll Tik Tok or watch Netflix? Also, I have been extremely hungry. I keep looking to see if that's a side effect of this and I don't see that mentioned anywhere. 

I do keep reading that even after recovery there can be long lasting effects and that's honestly terrifying me. I wanted to see if I could even attempt to exercise while I am sick and everything I am reading strongly warns against doing so. (Makes sense obviously, but I thought maybe I would try). Then the trusty internet tells me, that even after I have recovered, I could still die from heart complications brought on by strenuous activity. Are you kidding me? I am actually mad. Severely angry. Especially at the person who got me sick in the first place. I know this person. I know exactly who got me sick. They continued to assure me that they did not believe they had Covid, therefore I probably did not either. I went into work, and eventually decided to get my own test to determine whether I had it or not. Sure enough, I did. Come to find out, this person never even got tested, until they were made aware of my positive test results. Is that not fucked up? I'm honestly so mad. How can you not care so much so that you feel sick in the middle of a pandemic, and don't get tested and don't isolate. It's literally terrorism. Also, how do you lie about getting tested, but not actually getting tested???? So fucked up!! I don't know, I'm just so mad. I have been sick of my job for quite some time now, and this has just put me over the edge. But I need money, and to make money, I need a job. This world is so fucked.